As I sat here tonight, just getting settled to start writing a post, I laid down Charlie, got a hot chocolate, and put on some socks because it’s so blasted cold tonight. Then, he wakes up. Again. As he has every day for the last few months if I try to lay him down. I’m lost, I’m confused, I’m exhausted! This handsome little guy who has generally been a good sleeper has become an awful sleeper. He spent most of November somewhat sick, he’s been teething for the last few months, he’s been through a lot. I understand, I feel for him, but I’m exhausted.

But more than anything, I love him. I really, really love him. I love how he wraps those arms so tightly around my neck. How he stops nursing to reach up and give me a kiss. I love hearing his sweet voice from the other room saying mommy, mommy, over and over again.

I know all too well that these days will pass by far too quickly. Soon, he won’t have the time to hug me. He won’t yell for me, won’t look at me and give me a kiss. He’ll be too busy with his friends to stop and tell me about his day. He will no longer take my hand and pull me down to the floor with his favorite book.

His screams, biting, hitting, and making me a little crazy throughout the days will soon be over.  He will start making more decisions for himself and all I will be able to do is pick him up if he falls.  So little man, I can take your silly antics for as long as I have to.  I will cherish the precious days we have together.  I will try not to complain quite as much about how difficult of a time you are having lately and how challenging it is for me to keep my cool.  I will love you.  Always.  Forever.  No matter what.

I hope as you grow, you know in your heart how much you matter to me.  My life will never be the same as it was before you and that is such an amazing and wonderful thing.  I hope you grow up feeling like I did a great job with you and that you are as strong, smart and wonderful as you are right now.  Go forward and conquer the world.  For now, you stretch for the stars, but soon enough you will reach them.  Know that every moment, I will be so proud of you.  I can’t wait to see you succeed in things you care about, and I will be here to pick you up every time you fall.  I will hold you in my arms and kiss away your boo-boos.  I will hold your hand when you are scared.  I will learn to let you go so you can grow.  Let you spread your wings and fly.  Hold your head up little man.  You are already an incredible person.   You, my little curious man, have to know what it is, how it works and what you can do with it.  You are an adventure.  I’ve been praying for you since before I knew you were even in my belly, and I will pray for you every day for the rest of my life.  You are a big piece of my heart and you always will be.

I love you Charlie man.  I love you.