I don’t get along with my to be in laws. Not because I don’t try, but because we are so very very different, we have absolutely nothing in common except for John. It sucks. They bad mouth me to him all the time. They tell me I am a bad parent because I don’t change my daughter the second she wakes up from a nap or that once in awhile, she may have a dog hair in her diaper. Helk, we have two dogs, I’m happy there isn’t dog hair in my food! Not that I don’t clean, I do every day, but still, you have dogs, you have fur! But the fact of the matter is, they hate me because I won’t let Maggie go visit Grandma J at her house. I will visit her just about anywhere else, but not at her house. I would like Maggie to hang out with her Grandma J, after all, she is the only biological grandparent she has left, but there are some things I can’t (won’t ) bend on.
You see, Grandma J lives with her sister and her mother. They smoke cigarettes all the time in the house…chain smoke. And they smoke pot in the house….a lot. Now, I will start by saying that pregnant or not, I puke for a good half hour when I leave there, so I made the choice to protect my daughter and my unborn child. I tried, they said they wouldn’t smoke while we were there, so I gave it a shot. It doesn’t help. I still throw up because there is so much smoke in the house that my lungs can’t handle it. I am sure not going to let my daughter be in an environment that makes me physically ill. My parents both smoked when I was growing up and I vowed to never ever ever make my kids breathe in that crap.
Great Grandma has been very sick. She had shingles and I believe she still does. Yet another reason I don’t want my daughter around her. I would love for Maggie to be able to visit with them, but basically, they have made it clear that unless we go to their house, they won’t see her. Then they bad mouth me and blame me and say I don’t want Maggie to get to know them. We have offered to pay for their gas, go pick them up, meet them somewhere, whatever works, but 95% of the time, they say no and have some reason that won’t work.
I have tried so hard to get the family together at our house for the holidays, but his family doesn’t want to. They fight it every time. They did come out for Christmas, and last Easter, but otherwise, we don’t see them for holidays which sucks for John. I do feel bad, that’s not what I am trying to do, but I will always protect my children and I will not apologize for doing what I feel is the best thing for them. Now, John and I were fighting about the smoke thing before we ever conceived Maggie and he realized how I felt and how strongly I felt about it. We came to an agreement. Yet every time, we have a huge fight about it. It really sucks. Every single holiday starts with a fight because of it. His family makes him feel so crappy about it and guilts him about not going to his moms house that he feels we need to fight about it.
The day before Easter, we were supposed to go to his moms to visit….outside. That didn’t work out since it rained most of the day. So, the fight started before Easter this time around, and lasted through most of yesterday. Aside from the fact that the smoke in the house makes me sick normally, even a whiff of cigarette smoke makes me barf really bad with this pregnancy. John was around somebody one day that smoked, and he got home and tried to kiss me and had to go shower and wash his clothes immediately because I couldn’t stand the whiff of it on him without barfing. Yet, because of the guilting from his family, each time, he says, oh you can handle it for a few hours can’t you…it’s okay if you vomit while we are there, they will understand. Are you fricking kidding me!!!!!! Not going to happen. Sorry !
That’s my rant for today. I cry and cry over this. I try to clear my head and think…is it really bad for Maggie and this unborn baby…and every time, the answer to me is still yes. If it makes me sick, it can’t possibly be good for them. John will argue that everything is a danger to Maggie, but all I can say is, talk to her pediatrician. If she says Yes, take your daughter into a house like that, then we will talk. But I know that the doc would never say that. Every single appointment, we get paperwork that specifically says not to put your child in that environment.
Have any of you been in a situation like this? I am open to advice because I can’t handle having every single holiday ruined because of this.