I can honestly say, when I was pregnant with our daughter, I never wondered about some of the things I wonder about now. That surprises me. I spend a lot of time worrying that the delivery won’t go as I planned it. I never had those feelings the first time around. Maybe because I know what I expect this time, I didn’t before. I am so afraid that something will go wrong and I will have to have a C-section. Now, I know there’s no rational reason for this, but it won’t go away. I spend every night waking up from a dream where I go into labor really fast and I am home with Maggie and nobody else can get there in time. I deliver the baby at home. I would love a home birth, but we are so far from a hospital that we have decided against it just in case there’s an emergency. However, delivering my baby myself isn’t part of my plan. But this is just part of it.
I spend a lot of time looking at Maggie and wondering. How will this change her? How will this change me? Now don’t get me wrong, we planned on this. We want all of our babies close together. I just don’t think I ever realized how hard losing our one on one time would affect me. She’s an amazing little girl. I know that she will be just fine, but I think about all of the things that will change in her life and how we won’t get all of this alone time with each other after the baby arrives. This drives me crazy! I spend a lot of time crying about it and it’s ridiculous! I know I will find time to snuggle and play with her too.
Now that we have Maggie, I spend a lot of time daydreaming about this baby’s personality. I know it will be so different from Maggie’s personality. The baby already is so very different than her in everything that has happened throughout the pregnancy. I am so very excited about meeting the baby! And a bit scared! Maggie is a very good, very easy toddler. Aside from her wanting to nurse all day long when she was littler and the lack of napping, she’s been so good! I have fears about this baby because I know I have been so spoiled!
I have been criticized because Maggie is still breastfeeding a few times a day and because she sleeps in bed with me most of the night. It’s frustrating! I know it may make things harder when the baby is born, but I love it – she loves it and it works for us!
I know I need to relax and things will be fine. I just love Maggie so much and I worry I won’t be a super awesome mommy to her when baby gets here. I definitely couldn’t deal with that. My hormones get the best of me some days! I cry about everything. I am just very emotional about everything!
Thanks for listening to some of my blubbering about my rational and irrational thoughts and feelings. I am so excited for this baby! Less than 7 weeks to go! But, these are some of the things going through my mind. I know part of what set it all off was my sister in law stopping over and saying…wow! You have a lot to do before baby is here….I still haven’t figured out what all it is that I have to do. To be honest, I don’t care that our second dining room table is full of stuff that needs to be put away….we don’t use it and I’m pretty sure baby won’t mind the clutter! Maggie rolls with whatever comes along and I know that we will all be just fine! Plus she will get lots of daddy time which she has really been missing since he went back to work. I would love to hear how you adjusted to baby #2 (or 3.4.5……) or you can just tell me I’m nuts…either way is fine 🙂